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cause and effect

It's not a secret, I came from a broken home. My dad left us when I was 9 and he met his other woman while he was just working abroad. It started out as a not-so-serious kind of thing until he got the girl pregnant.
It was my mom who helped my dad to land a job in EEI and when they parted ways and sold some of their conjugal properties (including the almost-done house in Lipa,Batangas), my dad was never able to step foot again in K.S.A.
It was a trying time for me. I never had a dad who would be there to support me not just financially but emotionally, too. I salute my mom for making ends meet just to give me a brighter future. I took up a course in I.T. at that time but I landed a job in admin. Since then, I have always been the bread winner. If my dad didn't leave us, I might have taken up law. I might have pursued my dream. But everything happened for a reason and I know God has his ways.
Growing up was never easy. I got used to the fact that my mom pampered me so much. That whenever I fall in love, I always seek for the attention that my mom has given me all through the years. But it won't work that way. My moms' love for me was different. With my ex-boyfriends, it was totally different. I should've faced the fact that a boyfriend would never consider me his whole world while I do, to him. Having a relationship with someone doesn't always quantify everything that you have given. I know it's usually give and take and it's always like gambling your feelings. You might end up hurt or you might end up happy.
At a very young age, all I ever wanted was to walk down the aisle, wearing a very beautiful wedding dress holding a bouquet of white calla lilies. It was until then that I have finally realized that all I wanted was the fact that I'll get married someday. Not thinking of working things out with the person I am with.
All right, P is the person I want to exchange vows with. He's the man for me. But there'll always be complications. We can't get married yet, just yet... and so i thought.
I would have easily gave up on P. But I can't. I can spend the rest of my waking hours with him. We've had mistakes in the past and we just have to deal with it to start anew.I know and I'm certain that my feelings for P won't ever change. Even if we fight a lot these days.
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